How to Choose the Right Trustee (and When Not to Choose Your Kids)

Selecting the right trustee is one of the most important decisions you’ll make when creating a trust. Your trustee will manage your assets, follow the instructions in your trust, and make decisions that impact your loved ones long after you’re gone. For Californians, where trust administration rules can be complex and the cost of mistakes can be high, choosing the right person (or institution) is essential.

Many people default to naming their children as trustees—after all, who else knows you better? But choosing your kids isn’t always the best option, and in some cases, it can lead to conflict, stress, or unintended financial consequences. Here’s how to choose the right trustee and what to consider before appointing your children.

What Exactly Does a Trustee Do?

A trustee has several key responsibilities, including:

• Managing and protecting trust assets
• Paying taxes, bills, and administrative expenses
• Communicating with beneficiaries
• Making investment decisions (or overseeing professionals who do)
• Following the trust instructions exactly as written
• Keeping detailed records and preparing accountings as required by California law

In short: it can be a big job—one that can take months or years, depending on your estate.

Qualities of a Good Trustee

The best trustee isn’t always the person closest to you. Instead, look for someone who is:

• Responsible and organized – They must keep records, stay on deadlines, and follow formal procedures.
• Financially savvy – They don’t have to be an expert, but they must understand money management or be willing to hire professionals.
• Fair and impartial – Trustees must treat all beneficiaries equally, even when emotions run high.
• Calm under pressure – Administering a trust can involve disagreements and stress.
• Honest and trustworthy – They’ll have significant control over finances and family matters.
• A good communicator – They’ll need to talk to the other beneficiaries. Failure to do so can breed distrust.

If someone doesn’t meet these criteria, they may not be the right fit—regardless of their relationship to you.

When Choosing Your Kids Might Not Be the Best Decision

Many parents naturally feel inclined to pick one or more of their children as trustee. But doing so can create real challenges, especially in family dynamics or California’s detailed trust administration environment. You may want to reconsider naming your child if:

• Your children don’t get along. Naming one child can create resentment. Naming multiple kids can lead to delays and disagreements.
• They’re not financially experienced. Trustees must deal with taxes, investments, property sales, and accounting—tasks that can quickly overwhelm someone unprepared. I have often said that I would prefer a good communicator over a financial expert, but if they are not wise enough to hire help when the situation calls for it, then the inexperience can be detrimental to the administration of the trust.
• You want to avoid burdening them. Administering a trust can feel like a second job, especially while grieving.
• Your estate includes complex assets. Rental properties, businesses, or significant investments require expertise. Some children believe that since you did it, they can do, but then end up lacking the critical skills necessary to keep things afloat.
• Your instructions may cause tension. For example, unequal inheritances or discretionary distributions can strain relationships.

Choosing your children can work well—when the right child is willing, able, and emotionally prepared. But there are many situations where an alternative makes more sense. Do not just pick a child because they are the closest one.

When an Independent Trustee May Be a Better Option

If you’re concerned about fairness, family conflict, or complexity, an independent trustee can be the ideal solution. Options include:

• Professional fiduciaries – Licensed individuals who serve as neutral trustees.
• Corporate trustees – Banks or trust companies with deep experience in trust administration.
• A trusted friend or relative outside the immediate family – Someone impartial and responsible.

These professionals are familiar with California trust law, experienced in financial matters, and—most importantly—emotionally neutral. Their involvement can help prevent disputes and keep administration moving smoothly.

What About Naming Co-Trustees?

Some parents choose to name two or more children as co-trustees to be “fair.” Unfortunately, this often causes delays or conflict. When there is conflict both trustees will seek to use trust funds to validate their individual legal positions. What a sad waste of time and money.

Co-trustees must act together unless the trust document specifies otherwise. That means agreeing on decisions, jointly signing documents, and coordinating responsibilities. This can be logistically and emotionally challenging.

If you want your children involved, a better approach may be to:

• name a professional trustee
• and name your children as advisors or backup trustees

This keeps your kids connected without placing them in a difficult position.

How to Make the Best Decision for Your Family

Choosing a trustee requires balancing trust, practicality, and long-term consequences. Ask yourself:

• Do I want to avoid family conflict?
• Does my estate require financial or legal expertise?
• Is my preferred trustee organized, objective, and willing to serve?
• Would my children feel stressed or burdened by this role?

Talking these answers over with a qualified estate planning attorney is the best thing to do before naming your successor trustees.

The Bottom Line

Your trustee will play a critical role in protecting your legacy and supporting your loved ones. Choosing wisely is one of the most important decisions you’ll make. For many Californian families, working with a professional or independent trustee can prevent conflict and ensure your trust is administered smoothly and fairly.

If you’d like help evaluating trustee options or setting up a trust that reflects your family’s needs, reach out to our office for a free consultation.